Ideas / Power
Power
Steiner's analysis of how power operates in everyday relationships: the subtle and not-so-subtle ways people control one another, and the possibility of a different kind of power built on cooperation rather than dominance.
Power in everyday life
Most discussions of power focus on the grand scale: governments, corporations, institutions. Steiner was interested in something smaller and, he argued, more immediately consequential: the power dynamics that operate in personal relationships, families, friendships, and workplaces.
His work on power grew naturally from his involvement in radical psychiatry, which had identified power imbalances as a central source of psychological suffering. But where radical psychiatry focused primarily on the power of institutions over individuals, Steiner turned his attention to the power people exercise over one another in their daily interactions.
He observed that most people participate in power dynamics constantly, often without being aware of it. A partner who uses silence to punish. A parent who withdraws love to enforce compliance. A colleague who takes credit for shared work. A friend who guilts you into doing what they want. These are all exercises of power, and they are so common that they often pass unnoticed, accepted as simply "how things are" rather than recognised as choices that can be made differently.
Control power and cooperative power
Steiner drew a fundamental distinction between two kinds of power. Understanding this distinction is central to his entire analysis.
Control power
Control power is power over another person. It operates through coercion, manipulation, deception, and the exploitation of vulnerability. The person exercising control power seeks to determine another person's behaviour, choices, or beliefs, often for their own benefit.
Control power is not always dramatic or violent. Its most common forms are subtle: withholding information, managing impressions, creating emotional dependence, exploiting feelings of guilt or obligation. Steiner argued that these everyday forms of control are deeply damaging precisely because they are normalised. People who would never physically coerce someone think nothing of manipulating them emotionally, because the culture treats emotional manipulation as acceptable, even as a form of social competence.
Cooperative power
Cooperative power is power with others. It is the ability to act effectively in the world without controlling or diminishing anyone else. Cooperative power increases when shared; it does not require someone else to be weaker for you to be strong.
In practice, cooperative power looks like honest communication, mutual respect, shared decision-making, and the willingness to be influenced by others. It requires the skills that Steiner described as emotional literacy: knowing what you feel, sensing what others feel, and expressing your emotions productively. Cooperative power is not passive or self-effacing. It can be forceful and decisive. The difference is that it operates through transparency rather than deception, and through invitation rather than coercion.
How power plays work
Steiner used the term "power play" to describe any move in which one person attempts to control another without their informed consent. Power plays range from the trivial to the severe, but they share a common structure: one person acts to restrict another person's freedom, choices, or access to information, typically while disguising what they are doing.
Common power plays include intimidation (using anger or physical presence to silence someone), lying (controlling another person's decisions by controlling the information they have), guilt-tripping (using someone's conscience against them), and passive aggression (punishing someone while denying that you are doing so). Each of these tactics works by exploiting a specific vulnerability, and each is sustained by the target's unwillingness or inability to name what is happening.
Steiner was careful to distinguish between power plays and legitimate influence. Not every attempt to change someone's mind is a power play. Persuasion based on honest argument, requests that acknowledge the other person's right to refuse, and negotiations conducted in good faith are all exercises of cooperative power. The line is crossed when deception, coercion, or exploitation of vulnerability enters the picture.
His proposed remedy was simple in principle, though often difficult in practice: learn to recognise power plays when they happen, and refuse to participate. This requires both the perceptual skill to see what is going on and the emotional courage to name it honestly. It also requires a community or relationship in which honest naming is valued rather than punished, which brings the discussion back to the broader cultural changes that Steiner advocated throughout his career.
Further reading
Books
- The Other Side of Power Steiner's full exploration of interpersonal power, control dynamics, and cooperative alternatives.
Related ideas
- Radical Psychiatry The movement that first focused Steiner's attention on power dynamics in therapeutic and social relationships.
- Emotional Literacy The practical skills needed to exercise cooperative power and resist power plays.
- The Stroke Economy Control over the supply of recognition is one of the most common forms of interpersonal power.